Black hair for a day (no wigs)

[Kimbosis]

I am going to be a bridesmaid in one of my best friend's wedding. When she asked me to be in it, she said she wanted my hair to be normal and I said I would get a wig. When we went dress shopping, she and our other friend insisted I had to DYE my hair black.
It looked like this at the time

I have dyed all of the purple part black and it looks like this now.

It's VERY damaged from going black>pink>pink&turquoise>black>purple&turquoise>black&turquoise.
I had to layer it like crazy with the shortest part at about 2 inches. I know my hair wont be able to handle dying black and bleaching to any color, unless if I want my hair to break off at 3 inches.

Is there any dye I can use that will fade enough to go back turquoise without bleaching? Or am I destined to have boring hair until it grows out enough to bleach again?
I've used those temporary black spray's before and that isn't going to work. Came out too gray and dusty looking.

[brandalynn]

If you put any color over the blue, you will have to somehow pull it out. Even if you use a temporary color, it will still leave a residue. There are color removers, but they still dry the hair out tremendously and your hair can't handle any more stress. Your best bet is to invest in quality strengthening products to repair your hair to a state that will be managable for you on a day to day basis and try to keep from putting ANY chemicals on it for a long while.

[LittlePinkFaery]

There is nothing you can do to get it back to a colour without bleaching again- black sticks, even semi permanent colour.

Your best bet is to buy a good wig. It will also come in handy for any other event you need to look 'normal' for (shudder at the word!)!

Or if you decide to dye it black, invest in some colour fringes and streaks.

Personally I think they should love you as you are, your hair looks great like this- she asked you to be a bridesmaid when you have coloured hair, she shouldn't expect you to change for the sake of her photographs or relatives opinions.

But yeah- go for a wig, less heartache all round, you get to please her wishes and yours.

[Miss Liberty]

"Personally I think they should love you as you are, your hair looks great like this- she asked you to be a bridesmaid when you have coloured hair, she shouldn't expect you to change for the sake of her photographs or relatives opinions. "

THIS. I have been in two weddings with colored hair and it was a minor issue at first but I stuck to my guns. If they asked you to be a part of it when you had color in your hair, then that's what they asked for.

That said, sometimes its not worth a fight. I would try and go for a high quality wig. They are most likely insisting on dye over a wig because poor quality wigs look very fake and super shiny in photographs. A good one, however, should not.

Like LPF said, if you dye you could always add clip in streaks and fringes. When I had black hair what I did find pretty liberating about it is that I had a LOT of options on how to dress it up. Black goes with everything! You could also install dreads to spice things up while your hair is growing out and healing.

[NirvanaMarie]

I think you should tel them you are leaving it as is! It looks great! Doc was my maid of honor with bright red dreads! If they absolutely won't let you, get a wig. I wear them out and about all the time. If you get a good wig, so one would notice. I would try the Scandall wig that we carry.

[xxkinzixx]

This post breaks my heart But you're a better friend than I, if someone asked me to change my hair I would say it's not worth being in their wedding. I've been in a few weddings, even with horrid faded blue/poopgreen hair and my friends never said a word (I do regret that, I was just too broke to fix it at the time!) When you get married you should force them to dye their hair pink/blue/purple/whatever and see if they will actually go through all that effort for you. I know two wrongs don't make it right but it would still be kinda awesome

However, for your situation I recommend going with the wig... they aren't all cheapo costume wigs. And it will definitely be worth the price to save your hair!
If you MUST dye it, maybe try a semi-perm black dye (Manic Panic or something like that) since it will hopefully not be as hard to remove as a perm dye.

Best of luck to you and your beautiful hair!

[Kimbosis]

Personally I think they should love you as you are, your hair looks great like this- she asked you to be a bridesmaid when you have coloured hair, she shouldn't expect you to change for the sake of her photographs or relatives opinions.
But yeah- go for a wig, less heartache all round, you get to please her wishes and yours.

Everyone keeps telling me I should just leave my hair as is. It even matches the dress I have to wear! But I understand that it's her wedding and I wouldn't want to take attention from the bride. I'm just hoping I can convince her to just let me wear a good wig.
I don't think it's fair to make me dye it, especially when she's compromising for another bridesmaid that wears a bright plastic lizard on her clothes every day and making her a sparkly lizard to wear for the wedding. That's ridiculous to me...
I just wanted to see if there was any way to get my hair back to fun colors just in case I can't convince her. Thanks for the help everyone!

[brandalynn]

If she is willing to make an exception for a plastic lizard but expects you to fry your hair for her convenience, you really should be asking yourself how true a friend this person is. It is her day, but her demands are ridiculous and friends love friends for who they are and don't ask them to change.

[..::AtomicLox::..]

The c-word is coming to mind for me right now.

Seriously, I am super pissed for you. I think your love of your friend is getting in the way of putting her ass in check! Which of course makes you an awesome friend, but definitely one that's getting taken advantage of.

If you get rid of your colors now, it's going to be either years or a very short haircut before you'll be able to bleach again. You're lucky your hair hasn't fallen out already!

Sparkly lizard? Effing really?
i want to get you a paddle, that says "Bridezilla" SO YOU CAN (gently?) SMACK HER IN THE FACE WITH IT.

[Gracey]

Oh my very goodness, this post has shocked me. Loves you enough to have you attend her on her big day but not enough to be proud of you as you are? If that was my friend, her bridal arse would be orbiting around Jupiter by now.But you seem too nice for that, fair play to you.

Seriously, you can't do anything temporary to hair that porous. The likelihood is that you would get patchy colour that will be hell to shift. She may think her big day is precious, but how would she weigh that up against having your hair ruined for a length of time? I would personally hold a grudge about something like that. If you two are friends, there needs to be a compromise.

By compromise, i do mean she buys you a great quality wig to cover it, or admits defeat. Your hair is glorious.

[MrsEss]

Shame on your friend. Seriously. Shame on her. How fucking dare she ask you to change your hair colour.

Last wedding I went to, I had electric blue hair & dreads. Yes, I wasn't a bridesmaid but the Mr was the best man - he did change his hair colour as previously it was bright green but he used a semi perm-brown and I was pissed that his friend had even asked him to change his colour. We were both gonna be dreadded but his friend didn't want him to. He couldn't stop me though!!


I felt bloody awful but the people that did speak to me said I looked nice (I'm not saying I was ignored, I only knew a few at the wedding)

I think you should tell your friend you cannot dye your hair black just for one day & she should accept/love you with your rocking hair.

[ShadowThrone]

I am in agreement with the other ladies, your hair would look so lovely when it's all styled too, I bet. As the others have said though, a good wig is the best compromise, I can't believe she is asking you to dye it, black of all colours, the worst to get out sucessfully.

[Little Wicked]

This might sound like a bit of a stupid question, but have you tried actually explaining to your friend exactly how damaging it is to try to bleach out black dye, and maybe show her a few pictures (which I'm sure you could find on the internet) of what severely bleach-damaged hair looks like? Maybe if she understands exactly what it is she's asking you to do for her, she might relent a little bit?
Failing that, I'm with the other ladies - a good wig is the best compromise, but I agree with Gracey - if she wants you to wear it, she should be willing to pay for it!
As for me, I'd tell anyone exactly where to stuff it if I was asked to change my hair for a wedding, but that's just me! Obviously you are a really good friend to even consider doing this, and a damn sight more patient and tolerant than I am!

[Kimbosis]

This might sound like a bit of a stupid question, but have you tried actually explaining to your friend exactly how damaging it is to try to bleach out black dye, and maybe show her a few pictures (which I'm sure you could find on the internet) of what severely bleach-damaged hair looks like? Maybe if she understands exactly what it is she's asking you to do for her, she might relent a little bit?

I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her about it. It was just sprung on me while dress shopping and I couldn't get a word in while they talked about holding me down and dying it or telling my husband to do it because they somehow think he probably hates my hair.

I'm actually surprised everyone here is on my side about not dying it! I was really thinking that maybe I was just being selfish
Good to know I'm not being the bad guy in this!

[Miss Liberty]

I don't know if it helps, but here are the pics of the two weddings I was in with colored hair. The first one was for good friends and my hair was blonde with pink bits underneath. About two weeks before the wedding my friend the bride requested I bleach out the pink. I told her my hair was already as light as it would go, and any further damage would destroy it. I could tell she was not happy, but acquiesced. The next one two years later was for my sister. She was cool with my bright orange hair, but my mother freaked out at first. She demanded I change it or get a wig, again, only a few weeks before the wedding. Long story short, she apologized and backed down, and I kept my hair again.

The pictures go to prove that at a nice event, with everyone done up nice, one person with bright hair really does not matter. The focus is still on where it needs to be, the bride and groom. NO ONE was looking at me either day, I can assure you. Maybe in the pics, the orange hair looks bright, but it is still clearly not the center of attention. Feel free to share these if they help you case at all:

[Little Wicked]

I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her about it. It was just sprung on me while dress shopping and I couldn't get a word in while they talked about holding me down and dying it or telling my husband to do it because they somehow think he probably hates my hair.

I'm actually surprised everyone here is on my side about not dying it! I was really thinking that maybe I was just being selfish
Good to know I'm not being the bad guy in this!

Ah, I see! It sucks that you haven't had a chance to speak to her properly about it, but maybe it would help if you did manage to take her aside quietly and explain exactly what damage she's asking you to do to your hair. Also, maybe visit a hairstylist you trust, and ask them to come up with an updo that might sort of bring the already black bits over the coloured bits so that the colour isn't so noticeable? I don't know if that makes any sense, but in my head I can see it! Curls can do wonders for disguising colour, so maybe some sort of curly updo (maybe even with a small hat or fascinator or large hair flower) would make the colour less obvious in the photos?

You're totally not being the bad guy here, I think it's entirely unreasonable to ask someone to change their hair colour just for your own wedding photos! Maybe turn it round the other way and ask your friend if she'd have been willing to dye her hair bright blue or bright purple or bright green for your wedding photos if you'd have asked her to do it?

[Haylum]

You're totally not being the bad guy here, I think it's entirely unreasonable to ask someone to change their hair colour just for your own wedding photos! Maybe turn it round the other way and ask your friend if she'd have been willing to dye her hair bright blue or bright purple or bright green for your wedding photos if you'd have asked her to do it?

Absolutely this. She's asking you to change your appearance in a way that's not easy to reverse. If any of my friends asked me to do this I'd refuse. It's one freaking day for crying out loud! I honestly don't get all the fuss over weddings and how 'perfect' they're supposed to be. I'd want mine to be a day where everyone has fun. Fuck tradition.

[starlight]

You're totally not being the bad guy here, I think it's entirely unreasonable to ask someone to change their hair colour just for your own wedding photos! Maybe turn it round the other way and ask your friend if she'd have been willing to dye her hair bright blue or bright purple or bright green for your wedding photos if you'd have asked her to do it?

Absolutely this. She's asking you to change your appearance in a way that's not easy to reverse. If any of my friends asked me to do this I'd refuse. It's one freaking day for crying out loud! I honestly don't get all the fuss over weddings and how 'perfect' they're supposed to be. I'd want mine to be a day where everyone has fun. Fuck tradition.

THIS THIS THIS. When I get married, I fully intend to have a dress code on the invite which says 'yourself'.

And also I think Little Wicked has a good point about styling it somehow cleverly that would show less colour. Definitely worth seeing a stylist.

[Izzybeau]

I totally agree that asking you to change your hair colour is bang out of order. Would you ask someone with tattoos to use a cover up or make some-one take all of their piercings out?... no, or at least I would hope not!

The suggestion of having an up-do is a great idea to try and hide some of the colour. What about an up-do with some black clip-in extensions to cover it up some more (I would also suggest that the bride should pay for the stylist and extensions as this would be something you are changing about yourself to suit her).

You don't want to dye it all black and end up causing damage when you try and lighten it again. And you really shouldn't sacrifice the health of your hair for someone elses selfishness.

I hope you are able to find a solution for this, that makes everyone happy.

[Kajablomst.]

It's SOOO rude to expect you to dye your hair for HER wedding.

[corpseesproc]

This happened to me at a wedding I went to in the summer the request was a "normal" colour so I went blonde, no way in hell I would have gone black though.
For my mums wedding she said I could have dreads but in red and black (I had black hair at the time) but SHE paid for it as it was her that wanted it. If she's going to make silly demands the least she could do is pay!

[trippytroll]

i agree with everyone else hon, if she was any sort of friend she wouldnt expect you to change yourself, you should be allowed to be who you are, why should you have to change it for one day, you seriously need to tell her how you feel