Drinking/Bar etiquette -friends

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sally
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Re: Drinking/Bar etiquette -friends

Post by sally » Tue Sep 09, 2008 7:01 pm

I must admit I only read the first few posts of this thread because it's wound me up a bit. She sounds like a complete cow! and if she's got some jealousy thing going on, then make a point of thanking her boyfriend very much for his kind gesture *in front of her.* pah!

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Rhaeniel
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Re: Drinking/Bar etiquette -friends

Post by Rhaeniel » Tue Sep 09, 2008 8:07 pm

I dunno, I think it can be a bit off-putting if you're always the one paying.

My hubby and I just go out and buy our own drinks. If people are getting rounds, we just say 'no thanks' and get ours separately. People get used to it - that way we don't feel like we're being fleeced (we don't drink much and I'm off alcohol completely atm, so we'd end up paying far more than our fair share if we did rounds!) and our mates don't feel like we're taking advantage either (which we would be if we agreed to have drinks bought for us but never got a round in ourselves).

So, yeah - I think if you can't afford to drink much, then just make people aware. That way, they can choose whether or not to be generous without feeling ripped off when you don't reciprocate.


As for this rude friend, I'd simply pay her back the exact money for the drink her boyfriend bought and then be done with it. That way, she can't complain and you've got a clear conscience.. plus you'll be taking the moral high-ground. Or something..
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cancankant
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Re: Drinking/Bar etiquette -friends

Post by cancankant » Wed Sep 10, 2008 4:36 pm

I'd agree with this, actually. I pretty much make a habit of paying my own way, but if someone offers, I'm not against it. I actually wasn't drinking alcohol for the last 3.5 yrs and recently decided I was okay to do so once again. So, it's not like I've been mooching off anybody. It was a total of 2 beers, one time.

I have thought that if I happen to hang out when he's there, I'd offer to buy him a drink. We may be hanging out this weekend at an outdoor festival and I'm planning on bringing wine and snacks, etc. The woman in question will be there. Not sure about the man... ;) My husband will also be in attendance.

I also thought about sending a gift or something to her, but it seemed so reactionary and like I was caving in to her whims. Besides, I don't think he was the one who was upset...and he was the one who spent the money. Honestly, after thinking about this for a while, I think she was really drunk and really angry (no excuse, but eh) at me for whatever reason and spouted off in an email. Then once was able to look at this rationally, she realized she was being weird, since she's been calling me & asking me to hang out with her ever since.

I'll also say I thought about handing her $20 and telling her it was for the drinks and a tip. But that would have been bad form. I try to take the high road, even when that means ending something.
sally wrote:I must admit I only read the first few posts of this thread because it's wound me up a bit. She sounds like a complete cow! and if she's got some jealousy thing going on, then make a point of thanking her boyfriend very much for his kind gesture *in front of her.* pah!
Rhaeniel wrote:I dunno, I think it can be a bit off-putting if you're always the one paying.

My hubby and I just go out and buy our own drinks. If people are getting rounds, we just say 'no thanks' and get ours separately. People get used to it - that way we don't feel like we're being fleeced (we don't drink much and I'm off alcohol completely atm, so we'd end up paying far more than our fair share if we did rounds!) and our mates don't feel like we're taking advantage either (which we would be if we agreed to have drinks bought for us but never got a round in ourselves).

So, yeah - I think if you can't afford to drink much, then just make people aware. That way, they can choose whether or not to be generous without feeling ripped off when you don't reciprocate.


As for this rude friend, I'd simply pay her back the exact money for the drink her boyfriend bought and then be done with it. That way, she can't complain and you've got a clear conscience.. plus you'll be taking the moral high-ground. Or something..

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Rhaeniel
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Re: Drinking/Bar etiquette -friends

Post by Rhaeniel » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:31 am

I dunno about the gift - I don't think it'd be 'caving in', I don't think she's a wilful child who needs to be taught that you don't get your way by whining! I think it'd be a nice gesture, like a peace offering. I know I wouldn't see it as caving in.. in fact, I'd feel really really guilty about the whole thing if you did that - it'd make me realise I'd gone OTT and you were being very gracious about the whole thing.
I don't think it shows you're 'caving in', I think it just shows that you do actually care about your friendship.

Another issue with this girl might have been that she thought that accepting a drink off her BF without buying one back meant you were 'interested' in him in some way. It may be ridiculous but, especially if you've had a few, jealousy can make you say stupid things! I know that for me, a girl accepting a drink from a guy can be seen as a come on from both sides.. I know it most often isn't, but if she's a bit jealous anyway then it may have just hit the wrong button at that time. It may even be that she was more annoyed at her own BF for buying another girl a drink, rather than at you for accepting the drink.
I dunno, I'm babbling now.. ^_^;;
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RxQueen
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Re: Drinking/Bar etiquette -friends

Post by RxQueen » Thu Sep 11, 2008 12:48 pm

Let me get something straight... your friend and her man both knew that you didn't have all that much cash, right?
then why did she expect you to come out and pay for the tip AND buy them drinks in return right away?
it was only two beers, one time... not like it happens every weekend. even if it did, i have friends who i buy for *come to think of it* all the time, id never hold it against them.
she is acting upset at something that she (and her bf) decided to do, not something that you forced them to do. unless you rifled through her purse and stole however much $ it is that costs for the two beers you drank, on them! they could have just as easily NOT bought you drinks in the first place. and if it were me, id have preferred it that way, considering her attitude.
seriously wtf!

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