The Mommy thread!

[ScarletLady]

Oh of course, I didn't mean to make it sound like it was fun...I just find it fascinating just HOW people can cope with things like that...I don't think I could.

ETA - I've just checked my thread and I've had a few get back to me willing to share their stories, nothing that completely fits the exact nature of your post, but traumatic births all the same (eclampsia, PTSD etc). I do know there is one woman who gave birth with no idea she was pregnant but she hasn't been online yet.

How would you like me to hook you up? I can link the thread and you can contact them directly or shall I pass your details on to them? A couple of women have also posted links to sites you may find helpful.

[Gracey]

Oh gosh Liz, I'm really sorry. I didn't intend that to sound remotely snotty, and I realise it did. I posted on my phone and tried to be concise because I hate even texting. I know, without a shadow of doubt, that you weren't suggesting it was fun; the thought never entered my head, I promise.

Anything people can impart is brilliant; I'd obviously be very interested in the lady who didn't know she was pregnant. You would be very welcome to do it over Facebook if you'd like to.

Thanks so much to you ladies for your help, it really means a lot. xx

[ScarletLady]

Oh hon, I know you didn't mean it like that I was just worried my comment was a bit blase about the subject.

ETA - two ladies who had "unknown" pregnancies have come forward, along with some others (one with a stillbirth). I'll link you to the thread. You can always join the site just for this purpose to speak to them. I know a lot of ladies on there are funny about giving out facebook details, but you may find them amenable after they know who you are.

Is that OK Grace?

http://my.bounty.com/forums/post/10/263 ... iences.htm

[MrsEss]

Oooh, ladies. I have just managed to sort out the images from the memory card, here is one of K from last weeks snow fun times:

[Gracey]

Oh hon, I know you didn't mean it like that I was just worried my comment was a bit blase about the subject.

Phew.

That is actually brilliant. I am keen to keep it quite anonymous and I am also concerned about asking questions. I really don't want anyone to feel their experience is 'not traumatic enough', it's just a case of what is relevent to the story. If those ladies would like to write what they would like to say and send it to you, that would be a great place to start. From there, I may seek to contact them further if that's ok with them, but i may have enough. The ladies I am particularly interested in are the unknown pregnancies, particularly the lady who delivered her own baby, and the lady several years on from the stillbirth. It doesn't matter that it was C-section; I am interested in hr thought and feelings after something like that. Please say a heartfelt thank you to all who responded; every one of them has blown my mind.

[ScarletLady]

Oh hon, I know you didn't mean it like that I was just worried my comment was a bit blase about the subject.

Phew.

That is actually brilliant. I am keen to keep it quite anonymous and I am also concerned about asking questions. I really don't want anyone to feel their experience is 'not traumatic enough', it's just a case of what is relevent to the story. If those ladies would like to write what they would like to say and send it to you, that would be a great place to start. From there, I may seek to contact them further if that's ok with them, but i may have enough. The ladies I am particularly interested in are the unknown pregnancies, particularly the lady who delivered her own baby, and the lady several years on from the stillbirth. It doesn't matter that it was C-section; I am interested in hr thought and feelings after something like that. Please say a heartfelt thank you to all who responded; every one of them has blown my mind.

I'll pass that on, and message them all. Most of them are ladies I've become quite good friends with over the years, which is why I posted in that section. I'll forward anything I get on to you (PM on here, or facebook).

[Goffy_lucc]

I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 27weeks. Single teenage mum, alone for most of the birthing process. Treated like a (excuse my language) dirty whore by some of the staff in the hospital. People tell me that I must have had a traumatic time giving birth to James, and then a shitty first two years battling PTSD, which I did, but there are so many ladies who have had it worse. I feel like a complete bitch for whining about it...
My sister delivered a stillborn just weeks before I found out I was pregnant, he was just over 7 months old and never got a proper name. I asked her about maybe sharing her story but it is still too painful for her even after 6 years, and there's always a multitude of guilt for me having a baby just months later. The amount of guilt I still feel even now is overwhelming... meh I haven't spoken about this in so long, it hurts to type it. I just felt like such a monster when I found out I was pregnant.

Korben looks so sweet in the snow, he looks so grown up now!

[MrsEss]

Aaw, Lou I'm sure your sister doesn't blame you - you didn't know you were pg at the same time. Hugs honey. xxx

[thecutealternative]

Sarah - wow Korben is looking so grown up now, he's a proper little boy isn't he?! Lovely pic, bet he had fun in the snow

Lou - *hugs*

Grace - I know somebody who went through having a still born first pregnancy, and very serious complications with second pregnancy, pre-eclampsia etc, also was told to expect to lose the baby and the chance of dying herself was incredibly high. I will have a chat to her and see if she would be willing to share any of her experiences with you.

I think what your doing is incredible by the way, heart wrenching, but I can imagine very eye opening too. I for one would really like to read your novel when it's finished. I know I'm not a mummy yet, but even pregnancy has totally altered my perception of life, can't imagine how much more it will change when baby arrives!

[..::AtomicLox::..]

I want to say stuff but i don't even know what to say.

<3 <---- 's all I got!

[thecutealternative]

Recommendations for play gyms and monitors ladies? The money I haven't spent on a changing bag is burning a hole in my paypal so it's either going towards a play gym or monitors.

Any recommendations/reviews of both appreciated

[MrsEss]

A fleecy/padded one & one with black & white on it. Contrasting colours are GREAT. I actually have one kellye - that I considered putting on ebay.

I have a snail one, here's an image of K on it:


if you want it...er £12 or something. I really wanted the baby einstein one but they're a bit pricey. We ended up with 2, the other one was from the ELC. Er...I'm lying, we had a travel one too I was gonna send it to Liz for Scarlet last year, but Korben was still quite attached to it & he wailed as soon as I moved it, but he couldn't care less about it now.

We had the BT Digi 100 monitor: http://www.amazon.co.uk/BT-100-Digital- ... B000T4YB2A they've brought newer version out now though, the first one we got was lindam & it was picking up all the outdoor noises as well, which was incredibly annoying. The BT one has lullabies on it & you (this sounds awful, but) you can mute it, it has a sensor though so if the baby crying rather than just making the odd noise it'll sound. You can end up paranoid with a monitor, I'd sometimes turns ours on full volume just to listen to see if he was still breathing DESPITE the fact the lights were flashing on it to show me that he WAS in fact breathing.

For Seth we had a TT one: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tommee-Tippee-S ... 442&sr=1-6 < it was an older version of that. Also pretty good, but I would gladly have the BT one again over anything else.

[corpseesproc]

Garvey you're prett amazing!
From what I've ready my birth was pretty easy even though I was alone.
I was induced at 41 weeks as my thoughtful mother had booked a holiday for 41+3 and I wanted to have some family "around".
But they have me too much cream so my contractions started within the hour a minute long and a minute apart. They gave me some. Ram to slow it down but it slowed her heat rate down too much so that was it I was on a drip for the rest of it. I had group b strep so straight after they took her away to nicu.
I just remember thinking "where is my baby" but even though it was a 24 hour labour my tears were minor (though I refused to wee until they have me another catheter because it hurt so damn much)
I think the hardest time for me was when I got home the first night. My boobs after a week were sore as hell and I just couldn't feed her anymore. I phoned the maternity unit and they palmed me off saying it was normal. They didn't cut ally offer me any real help until I postd on babycentre about not being able to feed and some of the girls on there (who I had never ever met before) phoned my unit and asked for help for me.
There are always the snooty ones but tbh out of all the. Hold forums that's the one I've stuck with.
I has an "aquaitance" there to film the birth for a friends film but I was still so alone.
I don't remember any of my midwives names I just remember one saying "wow youre doing so well for a heroin addict".
That still upsets me now, after mentioning to my very first midwife hat before I realised I wa pregnant (turned out I wasnt pregnant at the time) that I may have done mcat/meow at a festival before I knew. That all my other midwives had been treating me as an addict. When Friday was sneezing after she was born they kept asking me when the last ime I took heroin was!
I kept saing no but no one believed me until they had dug tested her but I still didn't get an apology.
I'm the sort of person who never lies to a medical professional which is why I mentioned my festival activities. All I have last is to lie. Though if I hanger had (not tht I would eve) I would still tell the truth.
Babies are maaaadddd the madness thing I've ever experienced

[corpseesproc]

Oh and as of the play gym thing if anyone els is having a girl and is after one I have a tiny gymni princess one http://www.amazon.co.uk/Gymini-Tiny-Pri ... B002BSHTT4 not used that I want to get rid of (don't worry nowhere near the amazon price which I think is rediculous) her "father have it to her when she was 8 months old...a bit too late don't you think.....
Though he hasn't seen her since oct so that says everything really

[Gracey]

That sounds pretty hard to me Maria, seriously. I had my mum with me and the midwives talked to her. I'm not sure if it was because I was just a kid or they could just tell I was too scared to speak or understand a word they said. I can't actually remember that much of Jordan's birth, either thanks to the pethidine or a mind's way of packing things up and hiding them, and what I remember definitely isn't in the right order. I was more scared that day than I have ever been in my life. Jordan is nearly 20 and I still know exactly what that fear felt like.

Those are the hard things about writing. To write hard events is to go through them. I'm nowhere close to writing those scenes and already it's making me crazy. These characters in my head are more or less invisible friends and knowing what is going to happen to them is like watching a friend run headlong into a wall and not being able to stop them. I have come to the conclusion that writers are crazy, I'm just not sure whether craziness is the chicken or the egg.

[..::AtomicLox::..]

Those are the hard things about writing. To write hard events is to go through them. I'm nowhere close to writing those scenes and already it's making me crazy. These characters in my head are more or less invisible friends and knowing what is going to happen to them is like watching a friend run headlong into a wall and not being able to stop them. I have come to the conclusion that writers are crazy, I'm just not sure whether craziness is the chicken or the egg.

The thoughts of a truly exceptional writer! To admit one's own madness and let it take you in order to put thoughts on paper is the recipe to an enthralling story. It also takes an enormous amount of bravery to unlock bits and pieces of yourself like that. If you start feeling too crazy, just come holler at us and we'll simultaneously smack some sense in to you while telling you we love you.

Semi-self-absorbed-sidenote: You give me hope that I'll be emotionally ready at some point to unleash some stories myself.


This thread makes me super mushy. I don't say a whole lot because a lot of the time I don't know what to say, but I love reading all of your thoughts and my heart goes out to any of you experiencing turbulence in your lives. Thanks for letting me poke around here, ladies! <3

ETA: I've just had a bit of a turn, speaking of motherhood. I was just contacted by a woman who thinks she could possibly be a birth-relative. I was adopted as a baby and have never had any contact with any of them. Ummmmm butterflies? There goes any hope of focus for the day...

[Gracey]

Semi-self-absorbed-sidenote: You give me hope that I'll be emotionally ready at some point to unleash some stories myself.

I've been waiting to be emotionally ready for a lot of years. I'm still not, but not writing was doing my emotional health more harm so now it's time. I'm going to try not yabbering about it in here any more as this is the Mummy Thread and not the Gracey's Pschological Get-Out thread. But thanks.

And I do hope you're ok. I know a few people in your situation (or ones that are someway comparable) and I know how emotive they can be. You know where I am if you need to 'Raaaa!!!' xx

[thecutealternative]

Atomic - (Is it ok if I call you by your real name?l) that's huge news!!! I hope it all goes well for you whatever you decide to do, must be such a emotional roller coaster for you *hugs*

I think I really am having braxton hicks now, they are like bad period pains and last about 20 seconds each. Not too bad in general, but some are so painful I can't move and I swear I'm going to be sick. Nice. May have to re-think the whole minimal pain relief option #Worsepainthresholdthanithought.

In other news I'm 38+1 so not too long to go. Hopefully

[MrsEss]

Ooooh, sounds promising Kellye!!! Don't have the baby yet!!I haven't posted the play gym.


Aw, Kristina. That is MASSIVE news Hugs lovely & I hope all goes well for you. xxx

[somekindafreak]

Ooh sounding promising Kellye

I will keep my fingers crossed for you Atomic!

Gracey wow I can't even begin to imagine the feelings and emotions in your world right now. But the book sounds like it will be great.

In my news Im feeling very pregnant now, seem to have popped this week whilst away on holiday and Pipsqueak is wriggling more than ever. Only 15 or so weeks to go

[trippytroll]

aww kristina , that is massive news and i hope it all goees wll with you, which you deceide to too, i imagine you must be havin quite a lot of different emotions running tthrough u right now x

[..::AtomicLox::..]

Kellye!!! Go put your feet up! I can't wait for pictures. And Kristina, K, Kristy or any variation of the previous, please feel free.

Thanks to all of you, I'll try not to take over this thread with it but it's been pretty up and down so far. We're still a pretty long road from finding out for certain, as who could be my biological mother is not involved in this communication at all, nor do I think she wants to be. She's a pretty sketchy person, it sounds like. Through the state I was adopted in, there has to be mutual desire to connect before they'll give out any identifying info... so as far as my resources can get me we're sort of stuck. I have an oldschool LJ that I very infrequently update, but that's sort of been where I've been putting all of these thoughts. I have not even begun to crack the surface, but I can tell my evenings are going to be spent with more wine than usual so who knows what'll come pouring out? In interests of keeping it out of this thread, if anyone would like to keep up on it, message me and I'll point you in the right direction.

I need a vacation.

In other news Logan is just full of awesome. He's finally readjusted his daytime sleep schedule so I get to actually sit down for a minute or get something done. He used to sleep in about 4 20-30 minute nap-sessions, now we're doing a nice long nap in the morning and 1-2 cat naps in the afternoon. Nights are hit or miss again... but if he wakes it's only once so I can't complain too much! I blame his teeth coming in.

he says "ball" (baw) and "ba-bye"... as well as attempts to say "duck" and "meow". Mama and Dada too, of course. Freakin' incredible! I'm stupid excited planning birthdays for he and his big sister/cousin. I swear that's not incestual, she's my best friend's daughter and she calls us Auntie and Uncle... she may as well be ours. It's weird. My family all the way around is just so full of weird. ANYWAY. Birthday parties for children are amazing, then end.

[thecutealternative]

Kristina I hope you decide to do what's best for you and your family, must be such a hard decision to make. Don't feel pressured by anyone else! Good luck!

Logan sounds adorable, you need to update this thread with some pics of him I love seeing how everyone's little ones are growing up. I will probably spam this thread with pics heh!

Emma - only 15 weeks, wow time is flying so fast, how are you feeling?

In other news ended up in hospital again yesterday wired up to monitors because the babies movements were reduced all day so my midwife sent me in. Baby was fine (phew) but the irregularity in his/her heartbeat is still very clear and made the machine go doo-lally as it couldn't pick it up correctly. Cue various people coming to see me and not getting home till bedtime.

I saw a lovely doctor who was so helpful and reassuring so I feel a lot happier now! Just hope baby decides to come sooner rather than later as I can't help but worry and just hope baby is ok when he/she does arrive! I'm 38 + 3 today so not long!

[Gracey]

Kellye that has gone so quickly. Take it easy doll, get all the rest you can and try not to worry. I can't wait for your announcement.

[thecutealternative]

Gracey - tell me about it!!!! It just seems to have creeped up on me all of a sudden! I'll be sure to announce it on here, with pics, once Im home I can't wait now, so excited to be a mummy

Have had a day of rest today, mingled with small chores and gazing at the baby nursery in between munching on biscuits, total bliss, I love having the excuse to rest