Need advice about being 16 XD

Forum rules
The' GENERAL CHAT- silly posts' thread will be locked monthly. The old thread will remain for access for a month and then be deleted. This is to remove information from storage that is old. If you need information from the locked thread please retrieve it before it is deleted.

Please be inclusive of everyone- this is an area for all members to chat and feel part of the community.

1) No trolling or posting topics with the intention of causing upset.
2) No swearing.
3) No abusive or derogatory comments about any group of people based on their look, beliefs, morals, religion, sexual orientation, gender, race, ethnicity , profession or country will be tolerated.
4) Keep 'angst' style posts to a minimum.
5) Keep topics PG13 - we don't have to be all nice and sugary, but nothing too graphic please.
6) *If you are asking where to buy something or asking where to find an item please post in Want To Buy- not here. This may also apply if you are looking for product information that will lead to indirect promotion.

(Remember you need to abide by the 50 posts/30 day rule in Want To Buy)
User avatar
tazzyface
Posts: 1584
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 3:34 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by tazzyface » Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:04 am

Definitely try to earn your mother's trust slowly and gradually. Not to sound like I'm bragging here, but I was always quite mature for my age so my mother always could trust me. She actually said me and my boyfriend would make great parents no matter what age we had kids in a conversation that terrified me to my very soul... Anyway, prove you're responsible and don't argue her judgement and eventually she might let you over. Honestly, your mother doesn't sound overprotective at all, and you say there's only three buses there if I read correctly and he's a male (it makes a big difference, believe me). If she knows he has a girlfriend, she's probably wary about why he wants YOU there and not her. You know what many guys are like our age... not saying your friend is like that, but she's just looking out for you. Be glad she isn't like the mums we have in our area that give their children drugs and let them stay out at all hours of the night...it's shocking.

My sister is turning 12 in a week and whilst she is a good person, my mum doesn't trust her out and about like she did with me when I was my age. That's because my sister has done some pretty irresponsible stuff and she just doesn't seem mature in her eyes, plus some of her friends are a bad influence, whereas I earnt that trust. Just try and earn her trust, and prove you're a responsible person. And don't lie to your mum at all, because she will find out. Mothers know EVERYTHING.

One day you'll look back and be glad you have a mother who cared for you so much... but that's the joys of being 16, hey?

Also, what Criss said was very true.
More human than human

User avatar
Dude
Posts: 258
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:52 am
Location: Aston,Birmingham,UK

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by Dude » Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:23 am

My parents were very laid back, but if they thought I wasnt safe or doing something that may harm me in later life, then they would step in.

When I was 16, I had my nose pierced (which I still have til this day), my mum and dad were all for it. My uncle done my first tatt at 17, my dad loved it.

Sounds to me that your mum is just protecting you.Its a natural thing what with being a mother. At the end of the day the way she see's it is,that your her little girl and dont want you to grow up too fast or get hurt in anyway.

All parents have different ways of dealing with their kids - Strict ones, semi strict ones and laid back. I was lucky enough to have laid back parents.

The only time they expressed concern is when I said i was getting married, dad did worry, mum panicked. :lol:
They do that, I was always a daddy's girl and mummy's little angel. I was by no means perfect, but I was lucky enough to have laid back Hippy-biker parents.

Be thankful you aint got one of those over bearing mothers! That WOULD be hell.
In the UK at 16 you don't need parents permission to get piercings
In alot of places now, YES you do! I know of 3 or 4 piercers that wont do 16 or under without parental concent.

But anyway, abide by your mums rules and regs and you will be just fine. ;)
There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

User avatar
Allexiyah
Posts: 335
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 11:39 am
Location: South Wales

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by Allexiyah » Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:34 am

Short and simple answer -

You might not like it, but do as she says. Shes your mum, shes looking out for you. Even though it doesn't feel like it now, she has your best interest at heart. Shes been there, done that, she knows better.

Take the advice given from the older members on the boards, listen to your mum

She might get the shock of her life and actually loosen her rules a little if you approach her like an adult, talk through things and come to a compromise (compromise means you are going to have to back down on things thou hun)

Act like an adult and you will be treated like an adult.

:D

User avatar
kezerb
Posts: 784
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:59 pm
Location: Mid-Wales, UK
Contact:

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by kezerb » Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:44 am

Dude wrote:
In the UK at 16 you don't need parents permission to get piercings
In alot of places now, YES you do! I know of 3 or 4 piercers that wont do 16 or under without parental concent.
Since when did that law come about?
I've been to many many piercers across wales and the west midlands and all were happy to puncture me at 16 :|

User avatar
ScarletLady
Posts: 5966
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:41 am
Location: South of the Water
Contact:

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by ScarletLady » Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:54 am

When i got my navel pierced i had to sign something that said i was over 18 :?:
when you get a bit older you'll be glad you didn't have access to that money at 16 - if i'd have had that sort of money then i would have p****d it up the wall!
i thought i knew everything at 16 but now at nearly 25 i realise what a child i was back then
scarlet's taking over the asylum aka ladypanel

* Queen of Tangents*

User avatar
kezerb
Posts: 784
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:59 pm
Location: Mid-Wales, UK
Contact:

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by kezerb » Thu Sep 25, 2008 8:57 am

Oh yes. I had £700 back payment from ema new years eve and blew the whole effing lot. I'm now £400 in debt...

User avatar
Dude
Posts: 258
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:52 am
Location: Aston,Birmingham,UK

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by Dude » Thu Sep 25, 2008 9:11 am

ScarletLady wrote:When i got my navel pierced i had to sign something that said i was over 18 :?:
Yep I have to sign something everytime i had something done as well.
There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

User avatar
MrsEss
Posts: 11195
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2008 11:06 am
Location: UK
Contact:

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by MrsEss » Thu Sep 25, 2008 10:57 am

ooooh, when i was 16 i thought my mam was EVIL. i was ready to run away & live in a field just so i didn't have to be under the same roof. Now, however looking at me 10 years ago, she wasn't evil....i was. i was a horrible ,horrible teen who had a bf who made me feel miserable so i took it out on my mam, we'd just moved countries & i had a new school with very little time to study for exams & i just went nuts. i don't wanna go into huge details, mainly because i can't (alot of burry memories) but she let me get my lip pierced after an evening of badgering her - i think though i was 17. i had a curfew, etc. & she let me keep my money with the: "when it's gone, it's gone. don't ask me for any more" wheras if she had it, i got money off her all the time, instead of blowing a wad of it on crap.

peopel i went to college with had harsher mothers than mine - but it all depends on the individual. my mam is a relaxed type of gal, relatively young when she had kids, sometimes mothers are more uptight, more paranoid, i knew a girl who wasn't even allowed to see her own birth certificate!!!!.

you may think she's a big old meanie now - i know i did at 16....i don't anymore though

take care honey - i know it seems really unfair & harsh of her, but believe me she only wants to do what is best for you, even if it doesn't make sense right now.
*~*~*~*~*Saaaaaaspie-doo-be-doo-bedooooo is awwwwweeesoooooome*~*~*~*~*-ScarletLady

Socially awkward since 1982
Decimation Fashion
Tumblr
Formerly known as DreadstarMonstar

davendor
Posts: 417
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 10:28 am
Location: Poole, UK

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by davendor » Thu Sep 25, 2008 11:58 am

I think your mum may be a little over protective
College - It's your education and if the other college is better then you should be able to go there - especially as you don't have to pay for the courses while you're young. Maybe try talking her through the pro's and con's of both colleges? Try to reason with her that way.
Job - maybe try reasoning with her that you're trying to build up a good CV history, and save money for the future?
The money - does she let you have bits of it? Like give you £10 of it a week or something? You'll be grateful for that money later on!
Peircings - Just wait until you're 18. 2 more years won't kill ya!
Friend thing - yeah it sucks, but it IS suspicious that his gf isn't helping him through it. Talk to him on the phone/msn.

I will say, that you DO need your mum until you are 21. She will be the one that needs to sign any gaurantour (sp?) form in the places you are living at until you are 21+ and have a full time job.Beleive me - if you dont play nice until then, it makes for a right hell trying to find a place to live! It may seem harsh, and a long time to need her for, but it's one of those things that you have to put up with in life.

User avatar
sally
Posts: 107
Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2008 5:19 pm
Location: Shrewsbury, UK
Contact:

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by sally » Thu Sep 25, 2008 12:50 pm

I still need my mum at 24. She's paying for my driving lessons, is letting me keep all my stuff at her house until i find a bigger place to live and she just made me a fried egg butty...

User avatar
zombie
Posts: 219
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 12:23 pm
Location: Finland

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by zombie » Thu Sep 25, 2008 1:58 pm

I used to have similar problems, but I kept doing what I wanted and I guess my mom realized that she couldn't ''control'' me :P
Slaughter is the best medicine.

User avatar
~Azaezl~
Posts: 1035
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:09 am
Location: cambs,UK
Contact:

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by ~Azaezl~ » Thu Sep 25, 2008 2:36 pm

I never had problems with my mum but I think that's because initially I gave her no reason to have a problem with me so she felt she could trust me alot and that I was mature enough to be trusted. My brother was a complete nightmare so I think she was grateful that I was the perfect daughter, then I hit 15 and it all changed. I started going to partys / out to clubs and pubs, she thought I was around at my friends house, in most cases it was her who was having the party, with her mother there and she used to encourage me to drink / smoke(very laid back mother indeed :roll: ).

When I was 16 I wasn't completely out of control but again my mother in my opinion was far too laid back and let me pretty much do what I wanted. I stated dating a guy who was 25 and she did put her foot down a bit with him and would refuse to let us be alone for more then 10 mins at a time(she kept popping up to my room to bring drinks n stuff) I think she was so relieved that I ended it with him and started going out with someone my own age that she'd pretty much let me do what I wanted with him, which entailed me staying over at his house which was a 15 min train ride away or he'd stay at mine, we'd go out drinking have sex etc. I really went off the rails when I split with him, it was then that she tried to take control but it was too late because I knew how to get around her and could always bring up the 'well you never stopped me before arguement'. She had no problem with me dyeing my hair, getting pierced etc, I started working as soon as I left school, she charged me rent(very low amount) and the rest was mine and I would blow it, I have no idea what I blew £600 a month on but I did.

Anyway my long winded point is that as other's have said your mum is being like this for a reason, if my mother had of been strict then maybe I wouldn't have gotten into some bad situations(some of them very dangerous) and maybe I would of had some savings to show for all my years of hard work. As already suggested try to talk it out with her and reach a compromise, just agree with her that you know she is doing it for your own good but that you really want to go to this college for these reasons and that your not asking for all of your money but just maybe a little allowance each week to buy clothes or whatever(assuming she doesn't already do that) because legally it is your money but you are grateful that she's looking out for your financial as well as personal wellbeing.

As for the piercings and having to sign forms, I had to do that when I had mine done, I was 16 when I had my nose & labret pierced and just blagged that I was 18, my mum knew I was getting it done and had no prolem with it, she went a few weeks later and had her belly button done :lol:
Kanadeta senritsusae, Mou todokanai yumeno ato
Facebook

User avatar
kezerb
Posts: 784
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 6:59 pm
Location: Mid-Wales, UK
Contact:

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by kezerb » Thu Sep 25, 2008 2:39 pm

Hmm strange, I can't blame Wales either as 2/3 of my piercings were done in England :/

Ice_Pick_Abortions
Posts: 1708
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 4:38 pm
Location: Belfast

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by Ice_Pick_Abortions » Thu Sep 25, 2008 6:00 pm

kezerb wrote:
Dude wrote:
In the UK at 16 you don't need parents permission to get piercings
In alot of places now, YES you do! I know of 3 or 4 piercers that wont do 16 or under without parental concent.
Since when did that law come about?
I've been to many many piercers across wales and the west midlands and all were happy to puncture me at 16 :|
in the uk there are no laws governing piercings. the age restrictions put in place are down to the piercer
"I have had many troubles, most of which never happened." - Mark Twain
"Let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth."

In the ranks of the Indecisive Army..

User avatar
Pallidity
Posts: 1376
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 8:31 am
Location: Kansas, USA
Contact:

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by Pallidity » Fri Sep 26, 2008 5:44 am

I'm living at home whilst going to school because the financial strain is too great living on my own. I'm 21 and am still not allowed to spend the night at boys houses, get piercings aside from on my ears, get tattoos, and she pressures me into feeling guilty when I drink. I'm also required to go to church on holidays and the such.

In my personal opinion, until you move out, you have to deal with a controlling parent. It's their job to control you for varying reasons, and while you're under their roof, sponging off of them, you should just deal with it. From my personal observations, pushing against your parent only makes it worse. If you were to show up at home one day with a piercing I wouldn't expect it would go over well and I would think she would likely trust you LESS, which is the opposite of how to break away from the control. If you want more freedom, show her that she can trust you, don't break the trust.

And frankly, you're going to feel that way at your age regardless of your situation. Just remember you could have it a lot worse and be grateful that you have someone that cares about you.

User avatar
absolutebrutal
Posts: 496
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 11:57 am
Location: West Mids, UK

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by absolutebrutal » Fri Sep 26, 2008 9:37 am

with the money thing - i really think your mum doesn't want you to blow it all. i was given 5grand for my 16th birthday from my nan. it's all gone and i have NOTHING to show for it... not a thing. just some old clothes that i don't wear anymore and a few blurred memories.

my OH was given 2 grand when he turned 18. he spent every sinlge penny in the pub, or going out with his mates... as soon as we met and tried to start a life together we were both like "oh bugger". however his parents had kept back some of his money without telling him and, when we announced we were engaged and moving into our own place and going travelling, they gave us a lump sum of cash to help us out. they STILL have a load of his money, and we're not allowed to touch it, they give it to us as and when we need it. we're 20 and 22.

as a result, we can afford to get married, pay our bills, look for a better home and go traveling. if they'd of givedn my OH all of his money at 18 we wouldn't have any fall-back funds and we'd be screwed. i kind of wish my nan had kept some of my 5 grand back, or at least waited until i was older.
http://thebeadmarket.bigcartel.com/ - Beads, Craft Supplies, Incense and Oils, One of a kind home made items!

User avatar
Taraiha
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri Sep 19, 2008 6:35 pm
Location: Midlands, UK

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by Taraiha » Fri Sep 26, 2008 10:34 am

Is it really worth all the grief of endless fighting and banging your head against a brick wall to get your own way right this very instant for the sake of 18 months?
It won't take long before you'll realise you'll wish you had your mum on your side and not having years of trauma caused by unecessary teenage drama will help a lot in getting her to see you as the mature and sensible young woman you ought to be.
Believe me there are many people who would give their eye teeth to have a mum at all. If you're not being abused and she's providing you with food, lodgings etc etc, then just deal with house rule.
My advice? Take her out for a day of girl time. Get your make up done at the department store, get a special outfit for Christmas, buy her lunch and have a nice mature sensible chat about how you do understand where she's coming from but you want to be able to prove she can trust you and you can't do that if she won't allow you to. Give a bit. Get her to let your friend come over as a trial run and sleep on the couch/in the spare room/in a tent in the garden, whatever. Stop trying to fight her and she'll have nothing to fight against.
And for the record? I'm 37 and in my mum's house, it's still my mum's rules. Some things you just have to make peace with and move on. But you know what? In my house it's MY rules and she has to deal with that too. :twisted:
I'm not saying stupidity should be a capital offense. But we could take the safety labels off everything and let nature run its course.

User avatar
LadyLillith
Posts: 251
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:33 pm
Location: bristol

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by LadyLillith » Sat Sep 27, 2008 12:23 pm

I love my mum but we don't always get on, I'm much more of a daddies girl. I never tell her anything thats going in my life because she'll always act wierdly. For example I was telling her about a boy I had met on my university forum. She started going on about how it could be a dirty old man. Now I knew for sure that it wasn't but I just let mum have her rant. She can be very protective but looking back I am very glad of that, now I know to text people when I am going out and coming home, just so they know where I am. I have moved to university now. I live with my dad but he goes home at the weekend and I normally call home instead of the other way around, like I thought it would be.
Try to explain to your mum that you are growing up and getting a job would show how responsible you are, and that you can look after your own money. My parents were the same with piercings, they let me have my ears done when I was really young but I wasn't allowed my bellybutton pierced until I was 15 but even then I didn't actually get it done until I was nearly 16. I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if anything has been said before.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

If the music is too loud, you are too old.

User avatar
Rhaeniel
Posts: 2439
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:35 am
Location: Leicester, UK

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by Rhaeniel » Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:00 am

Agh, it's a difficult one, because I'm of the opinion that you should always respect your parents' wishes, whether you agree with them or not. After all, it's not forever - and they really are only doing what they truly believe is the right thing to do, for you and for them.. for the whole family.

Having said that, I did sneak out of the house once or twice when I was 15/16 cos my mum said I couldn't go... I wouldn't recommend that tho - she found out. It was the worst experience of my life, knowing that she had reason to be that angry with me.
That, and it proved that she COULDN'T trust me, so I actually did myself more harm than good. Also, she sold my Ozzfest '98 ticket as punishment and I MISSED seeing Pantera for about the last time I could've done before they split up! (I'd never seen them before, so I missed out BIG TIME) Talk about gutted... but it was totally my own fault.

So yeah, whatever you do, don't go behind her back. I'd say try doing things to prove you're trustworthy - just get into the habit of helping out around the house to fill to long, boring hours not being able to go out.. and hopefully she'll realise if you are responsible enough.. then she might allow you to stay over with a friend.. although maybe not a friend of the opposite sex! My mum made me have my bedroom door open at all times if I had a boyfriend over during the day (he certainly wasn't allowed over at night!) and that was only once I reached 16.

It may seem hard now, but it really doesn't last forever. I know that's not much comfort when you're in the middle of it, but you may even thank her later in life for looking out for you at such a young and vulnerable age (I know, you're not THAT young, but it seems pretty damn young once you reach your twenties and look back on it!).
http://hairextensionsforum.com/viewtopi ... 92&t=14004 <Midlands Summer Meet 2011, photos now up.

User avatar
Rhaeniel
Posts: 2439
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:35 am
Location: Leicester, UK

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by Rhaeniel » Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:20 am

Just had another look through the thread (didn't realise there were 2 pages!) and read a few posts about needing your mum until you're 21... I'm 25, married and pregnant and I STILL need my mum! I absolutely love her to bits, and even though we had our disagreements during my teens, we're now such good friends as well as being mother and daughter - and that is more important than anything else in the world. When everything else in life has the potential to go wrong, I know that I will NEVER lose the love and support of my parents.

I need her more than ever now, being pregnant.. I want her to be there at the birth to help me through it - it's my first and I'd be scared without her! My hubby'll be there too, but he's just as scared as me..
You always need your mum, and it really is worth building a good relationship with her, so you always know you'll have her support. You may think you don't need it, but that's no reason not to have it.. just in case :)

My sister's a bit stubborn - she refuses advice from my mum, but she's happy to accept money when she needs it ¬_¬ I know I'm lucky to have a nice house and a husband to provide for me, but even when I didn't, I never got myself into so much debt that I had to scrounge money off mum & dad to pay it back. She's so determined to live her life on her own that she'd rather take out a loan to pay the rent than just admit defeat and go back home for a while. I had to go back home for a few years after my previous relationship fell apart and I moved out of the flat we shared.. it wasn't fun being back at home and having no money (I got made redundant a short while after that and had trouble finding another job because my parents live out in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive) ..but I knew I had no other choice. My sister, however, would rather run up huge debts than to accept help and move back home for a while. she's stil constantly arguing with mum, even tho she's not a teen any more - she's 21 now.

Annnnyway, point is - mums are a huge help in life. Keep on her good side and you'll have a friend for life :)
http://hairextensionsforum.com/viewtopi ... 92&t=14004 <Midlands Summer Meet 2011, photos now up.

User avatar
NaturalistDesigns
Posts: 2337
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:22 pm
Location: Northants, UK

Re: Need advice about being 16 XD

Post by NaturalistDesigns » Wed Oct 01, 2008 10:57 pm

When I was 16 I was molly coddled, never allowed out, nothing.. Internet, books and CDs were my mates :lol: *drags out the violin*

Anyway, all I can say is echoing what everyone else has said. You do need your Mum. My Mum and me have been at loggerheads christ knows how many times!!! But everytime I need her, she is there no matter how much I say that she isn't..

Post Reply

Return to “Noise - General Chatter”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 26 guests