Engagement / Wedding Thread

[Miss Liberty]

When it comes to weddings, and what type is right, and what is ludacris to spend money on and what is not it, really boils down to what kind of party you want to have. And thats REALLY what it is, at least to me. Its a celebration of your love for each other.

If that means getting married at a fast food chain, or getting married in a palace, to each their own

However, one thing I tried to keep in mind (I'll try to sum this up quickly)is that what was important to me on my day was to throw the type of party everyone would enjoy. I would get more out of it if I KNEW everyone was having fun and not just humoring me. So, Adam and I implimented things and elements that we wanted for ourselves because it was very "US", but also took our guests into consideration.

we mixed the music up to include some of my grandparents favorites.

we paid extra to have a variety of food so everyone could eat enjoyably.

we paid more for a liquor bar so people could drink what they wanted.

So, a few things are maybe worth paying a little extra for so everyone has a good time. We didn't sacrifice our wedding "integrity" on anything, but we did try very hard not to necessarily please others but to make it a fun time.

Great ways to save money are things like doing your own centerpieces ($14.00 a piece versus the florists 75-150!) Making your own favors, invites, thank yous, etc. If I could physically make it myself I did. I bought my dress on ebay too, it was a $1200 dress that I ended up paying $275.00 for.

All in all it can still be a pretty pricey endeavor. No matter how you slice it, its expensive to feed and seat alot of people(there were 75 at our wedding). I never got an offical total, but Adam and I figured that our wedding and honeymoon ended up costing about $12,000 USD. It seems like a lot, but I really do think it was worth every penny.

[MissAnthropik]

I agree with what others have said about making it a day that others will enjoy. To me it was important to have music and food I thought people would like (you can get them to name a tune they would like to hear at the reception when they reply to say whether they are coming) as well as music and food I liked. We also wanted to be able to talk to everyone so we didn't want too many people there. I would hate to have not been able to speak to everyone after they had travelled and come to see us.

Plus I wanted everyone to be able to come to everything. I don;t like the idea of some people for the meal, and some others for the reception. We had the ceremony, wedding breakfast and reception in a hotel, which made the day very easy as they just did everything for us. It was also good for people with babies as they could nip back to their room at feeding times etc, and people didn't have to worry about getting between venues and where to park etc. We had the best suite in the hotel for our wedding night. You should have seen the size of the bed! I have never seen a bed so big! I also had that suite in the day for me and my sister (bridesmaid) to get ready in.

Registrars cost vastly differing amounts depending on the local authority, and the day of the week. Friday and Saturday usually costing more. I think it cost us £100 more to get married on the Friday. I think the registrar was about £300, but in some places they are much less. Serves me right for getting married in Oxford I suppose

We didn't have a free bar. We had free wine (as much as people drank) during the meal, and for toasting obviously (we had fizzy red wine), and a welcome drink (mulled wine, i got married just before xmas), but then beyond that we got people to buy their own. Tbh though, I only drank a couple of drinks after the meal, I think that the wine with the meal was plenty. Or maybe I was just giddy. I don't know!

[slinkypanda]

I'm from a traditional family; my Dad asked my Mum, after asking my Mum's real Dad Colin for his permission and asked her step dad Ian too

oh that's really cute!



I wanna get married now!

[Ice_Pick_Abortions]

i was always of the opinion that i wasn't into marriage but i've been with my bf for 3 years now and we've just bought a house. one of my close friends recently got engaged too so now i'm all jealous ha ha. we've talked about it and we both want to do it and the families on both sides are always hinting at it so i have no doubt when he asks permission that my dad will say yes, but i think both of us would rather be in a better financial situation before even a proposal took place.

i know i'm going to become bridezilla too. i'll be so anal and i know i'd blow things way out of proportion and cry because the flowers weren't spot on perfect, even though there's nothing actually wrong with them i want a fancy pants dress too and a great cake. everything else i can compromise on but the cake and dress will be exactly how i want them

both of us are really nervous about it though. my bf's parents are divorced and both have gotten remarried but they don't speak and it was a messy divorce. as much as i would like to think everyone could be mature about it, i'm petrified that there'd be a huge confrontation between them and then my family wading in and having a go at them for being immature etc then there's the whole seating thing cos we wouldn't want anyone to get offended and yada yada yada.. has anyone here got married and had basically three sets of families there?

[Miss Liberty]

both of us are really nervous about it though. my bf's parents are divorced and both have gotten remarried but they don't speak and it was a messy divorce. as much as i would like to think everyone could be mature about it, i'm petrified that there'd be a huge confrontation between them and then my family wading in and having a go at them for being immature etc then there's the whole seating thing cos we wouldn't want anyone to get offended and yada yada yada.. has anyone here got married and had basically three sets of families there?

If you do a buffet style dinner you can have free seating arrangements where folks sit where they like. I MUCH prefer this because no matter how carefully you plan, you can't make everyone happy, and there will always be one poor soul sitting with people they don't know.

[absolutebrutal]

my family situation is messy. my mom and two of her brothers don't talk to their father (my grandfather) and the other sister doesn't talk to her mum (my grandmother). and my dad's mother doesn't like my mum, and my mum doesn't get on with my step-mum....

so we chopped out list in half. only people that we actually like are invited. as sson as anybody gets onto us about "not inviting soandso" we just tell them that there are 30 spaces, and we have filled those spaces with folks who's company will make our day GREAT, not uncomfortable. my family has always been in tatters, i've never had a reason to speak to most of them.

heck, my mum wasn't even invited for a few months, but we're "working things out" now and i'd like her to be there. as long as she's respectful to my step-mother, who i invited to begin with.


i always knew the only troubles we'd have were family related.

[CherryLex]

Both mine and my husbands families are broken and crazy messy. We didn't have seating though as the wedding was in a night club. And I basically told my mom to suck it up and act like an adult
Luckily Taylor's dad couldn't make it. My one fear was he would show up and ruin the whole thing, as apparently that's what happened at Taylor's sister's wedding a few years ago. It really stressed me out until we found out he wasn't going to be able to fly over. Does that make me a terrible daughter-in-law?

[kanamai]

When John proposed to me he didn't have a ring yet. So I wasn't allowed to tell anyone he proposed. A week after I picked out a moonstone. We have been to poor to afford to get it made into a ring. So about a month ago I finally talked him into letting me make a necklace for the stone, so now I have an engagement necklace.

We still haven't told our families that we are engaged. John doesn't want them to know until we are financially secure. I love that its a necklace and not a ring, that way I can wear it in front of family and they have no clue.

Pictures of the necklace:
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y281/K ... klace1.png
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y281/K ... klace2.png
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y281/K ... klace3.png

[MrsEss]

Apologies for the blurriness of some of these - i took them from photos, trying to get the flash away from faces was a mission!!!



that's Gemma - my "bridesmaid" & my sister in law



me & the husband



the "crew"



my dad, Richards mam, Richard, me, my mam, Richards dad



younger brother (left) elder brother (right)

[Ice_Pick_Abortions]

both of us are really nervous about it though. my bf's parents are divorced and both have gotten remarried but they don't speak and it was a messy divorce. as much as i would like to think everyone could be mature about it, i'm petrified that there'd be a huge confrontation between them and then my family wading in and having a go at them for being immature etc then there's the whole seating thing cos we wouldn't want anyone to get offended and yada yada yada.. has anyone here got married and had basically three sets of families there?

If you do a buffet style dinner you can have free seating arrangements where folks sit where they like. I MUCH prefer this because no matter how carefully you plan, you can't make everyone happy, and there will always be one poor soul sitting with people they don't know.

it's more the actual ceremony that i'm worried about. it's not likely to be in a church but i'd still need to sort seating. i'm stressed about it and i'm not even engaged!

[absolutebrutal]

both of us are really nervous about it though. my bf's parents are divorced and both have gotten remarried but they don't speak and it was a messy divorce. as much as i would like to think everyone could be mature about it, i'm petrified that there'd be a huge confrontation between them and then my family wading in and having a go at them for being immature etc then there's the whole seating thing cos we wouldn't want anyone to get offended and yada yada yada.. has anyone here got married and had basically three sets of families there?

If you do a buffet style dinner you can have free seating arrangements where folks sit where they like. I MUCH prefer this because no matter how carefully you plan, you can't make everyone happy, and there will always be one poor soul sitting with people they don't know.

it's more the actual ceremony that i'm worried about. it's not likely to be in a church but i'd still need to sort seating. i'm stressed about it and i'm not even engaged!

i dunno if it'll be of any use but a nice lady at a wedding fair told me that a good way to handle awkward family situations and seating is to work on a "seat in 3's" method. meaning, group's of 3 for the seating plan, and (for example) two groups per row. i dunno if it's any really, we're not actually having a formal seating plan despite my family troubles... but apparently it's just less stressful.

[Rhaeniel]

I don't quite get that asking the dad thing.. my sister told me her boyf has said he wants to ask our dad to marry her at some point in the future.
I know it's traditional, but I just feel a bit uncomfortable about it.. it's like, "hey, you're the dad, she's yours.. can she be mine?" I'm sorry, what now?! I'm WHO's?! I'm MY OWN thank you very much, and I'LL decide who I want to marry! And anyway, the kinda man who thinks I 'belong' to my father isn't the kinda man I'd want to marry anyway!

Plus, I think my dad'd just be a bit confused in all honesty! He's not THAT old-fashioned, so he'd probably just say "errr, shouldn't you be asking her that?"

So yeah.. I don't really get it. But each to their own ^_^;

[MissAnthropik]

I don't quite get that asking the dad thing.. my sister told me her boyf has said he wants to ask our dad to marry her at some point in the future.
I know it's traditional, but I just feel a bit uncomfortable about it.. it's like, "hey, you're the dad, she's yours.. can she be mine?" I'm sorry, what now?! I'm WHO's?! I'm MY OWN thank you very much, and I'LL decide who I want to marry! And anyway, the kinda man who thinks I 'belong' to my father isn't the kinda man I'd want to marry anyway!

Plus, I think my dad'd just be a bit confused in all honesty! He's not THAT old-fashioned, so he'd probably just say "errr, shouldn't you be asking her that?"

So yeah.. I don't really get it. But each to their own ^_^;

I know what you mean, and that is how my husband feels. He really didn't want to ask my dad because he said it wasn;t his decision, and he didn't want to feel like he would then "own" me. I wanted him to ask my dad though because I knew my dad would appreciate it, especially since he was paying for most of the wedding. Just seemed we could have done that one thing he wanted, but try as I might I couldn't get my OH to ask him. I guess my dad got over it...

[Ice_Pick_Abortions]

i don't think it's necessarily a case of the whole "you used to own her and now i want to" thing. i think it's just kinda polite to give the family a heads up that it's going to happen so that they can start moving money about just kidding.. but yea.. as much as i would refer to it as "asking my dad" it'd be more of a "i'm going to marry her but i thought i'd let you know what's happening" kinda thing

[MissAnthropik]

i don't think it's necessarily a case of the whole "you used to own her and now i want to" thing. i think it's just kinda polite to give the family a heads up that it's going to happen so that they can start moving money about just kidding.. but yea.. as much as i would refer to it as "asking my dad" it'd be more of a "i'm going to marry her but i thought i'd let you know what's happening" kinda thing

Yeah, that's kinda how I see it, that;s the modern version of the traditional thing... my OH wouldn't do either! I did try to get him to just have a chat and casually bring it up, but he didn't feel comfortable and to be fair my dad isn't really the chatting type!

[absolutebrutal]

well my dad got very drunk at a party with my finacee and rolled around on the floor with him. and he's worn my fiancee's underpants (by accident!) - so it wasn't really necessary for us to ask his permission. they get along with each other better than i do, and when we told him i just showed him the ring and he went "oh!" and shook our hands. then we went out and didn't get home until 3am!

[ScarletLady]

i'm really scared about doing the vows...we want them to be personal. dan's working on a song for me which i think is SO sweet...i've heard a bit of it but the rest is completely hush hush...the bit i have heard just makes me melt tho...

[Miss Liberty]

I know what you mean about the "asking the dad" thing.

We felt the same way, yet still wanted to be respectful. So, what we ended up doing was respectfully and politely telling my parents that we had decided to get married, and asked for their blessing (not their "permission")

I can't remember the exact way Adam worded it, but it worked out fine. It ended up coming out that WE had decided to marry, but still respected my parents enough for their blessing. We would have gotten married with or without it, but it was a nice nod to the tradition of asking the folks

I was afraid I'd be a puddle of goo after hearng his vows too, so I made us exchance vows a few days before to get all the tears out. It was just he and I alone in a romantic setting, so it was still meaningful. It just "softened the blow" for the big day

[ScarletLady]

aw that's a really sweet way to do it!
i nearly burst into tears when i heard the bit of the song he let me hear.
his music is one of the things i love about him anyway

sorry getting all mushy

[MissAnthropik]

we wrote our vows together, so we both said the same things. Took us ages to work out which were the most important things we both wanted to say!

[Ice_Pick_Abortions]

i like the idea of writing our own vows but i wouldn't even know where to start!

[Rhaeniel]

We thought doing our own vows would be kinda cheesy.. not that it would for anyone else! I don't mean to say it's cheesy for anyone, just that it really wasn't "us" to do that. Plus, it would've been extra pressure on an already hectic day.

[MrsEss]

ours were generic. the registry office didn't give us an option for anything! we really wanted some music, but were never told we could have any, so there was silence through the whole thing. we were all in black & they made the best man put the rings on a stupid satin pillow -grrrrrrrrrrr

we're gonna get re-married once we're about 40 yr olds! i'm gonna do it rigght that time round, hahahaha! "wedding vow-zilla!!"

[Rhaeniel]

ours were generic. the registry office didn't give us an option for anything! we really wanted some music, but were never told we could have any, so there was silence through the whole thing. we were all in black & they made the best man put the rings on a stupid satin pillow -grrrrrrrrrrr

we're gonna get re-married once we're about 40 yr olds! i'm gonna do it rigght that time round, hahahaha! "wedding vow-zilla!!"

But isn't it more important that you are married? I mean, the ceremony is just a formal piece of junk. I said to my hubby when I was organising our wedding that I wished it could just be done, and we could be married, without all this fuss.
I mean, apart from getting the family together for a good ol' knees up, I didn't really see the point in making a fuss about it. what was important to me was that we're married, we have the same surname, and our kids will have a stable home. That's all that mattered to me.. sod the fancy crap! ^_^;;

[ScarletLady]

i know completely what you mean - we've even talked about eloping

don't think my nan would ever forvgive me tho!!