Does this bother anyone else?

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Neon Black
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Does this bother anyone else?

Post by Neon Black » Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:56 am

The over use of the word 'hun' ...

I can't stand it. I find it totally inappropriate!

My boyfriend calls me 'hun' and 'honey' and 'love' - these are affectionate terms because he loves me. I find it strange that people (I noticed a lot of people here do it) call people hun when they don't even know them.

I don't mind so much if it's a close friend or something, but even then it kinda bothers me.

I see a lot of 'Hey hun, how much is this?' and I just think, well I have a name, use it! and if you don't know my name, then you certainly shouldn't be using overly affectionate terms to address me! Especially if it's the first converstaion we have ever had!

People in shops do it too, 'love' and 'darling' mostly here. I don't like that either. It's almost patronising.

I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too much into it but I have insomnia and was just laid awake thinking about it, ha!

What does everyone else think?

(Everyone's going to make sure to never PM me calling me 'hun' again now ;) )

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by ANNloses » Tue Sep 16, 2008 4:21 am

I think it's annoying too. I use it with people I flirt with though. Or 'babe' hahaha

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by Hotmess » Tue Sep 16, 2008 5:04 am

I don't find it annoying at all. Down here its just 'ole southern hospitality.
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by moROSE69 » Tue Sep 16, 2008 5:08 am

Ugh I hate it. Especially in stores. I know in the back of their mind they are saying "Go **** yourself" or they are just a naturally overly sweet person which disgusts me as much if not more. No one should be so ignorantly blissful. I just want to punch them in the mouth to see if they get pissed. The world sucks... be angry... haha.

OMG... babe is the worst. I always associate it with men who watch sports all day and expect their girl to clean up after them, get them cold beers, and give b-jobs upon request. Just hearing a guy say it makes me cringe. My bf does it jokingly. I think it sounds so sleazy and sexist. But... it is all in how you say it. It can be as equally affecionate a term as it can be sexist. Just like any of the other words mentioned. I say it to my bf sometimes... usually when he is not feeling well or tired and i'm totally mothering/babying him. I think it's much different when a woman says it to a man though.

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by kittiegothgirl » Tue Sep 16, 2008 6:31 am

i must admit i say it to people on forums etc ,when i dont know them ..
why?
because people approached me that way ,and i saw everyone else using the word so i thought i was a nice thing to say :p lols
well , i know better now i guess..

but how do you say it then?
i feel uncomfortable using someones name when i dont know them to be honest :p
so what do you say then : heyyy, You ,... :p

lol?

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by Morgana » Tue Sep 16, 2008 6:43 am

I hate it too, it just feels so fake and somehow a bit insulting as well. Fortunately noone says anything like that here in Scandinavia. I think it's more of an american thing and it has unfortunately spread to online communities.

And kittigothgirl, you don't need to say anything. If you want to ask for a price or something else, just ask for it politely, no need to add "hun, honey, love" or whatever.
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by Dude » Tue Sep 16, 2008 6:59 am

It dont bother me because its the way I am. But I avoid calling people "babe".
I hate being called babe.
Another one I hate is "pookie" ..... Eugh ..... :lol:

I call people hun,love,darl,doll ..... Its part of me.
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by Neon Black » Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:02 am

Yeah, I think it is more of an American thing (or was). I don't hear people saying 'hun' or 'honey' in real life, not around here anyway! (except as I said, my bf, but he isn't English anyway!)

I find it polite if people address me with my name, if I have emailed them asking them something ending with my name. It shows courtesy and feels like they are personally replying to you.

If someone emails me and doesn't end with their name (which happens a lot! and I also find it odd, and quite rude) I just reply with a 'Hello, thanks for your email' or something.

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by candycovered » Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:27 am

kittiegothgirl wrote:i must admit i say it to people on forums etc ,when i dont know them ..
why?
because people approached me that way
same ! sorry if I've p*ssed anyone off ! :s
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by Pixie_Junk » Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:31 am

I use it because the word 'mate' just doesn't sound friendly to me =p

I use affectionate terms towards friends or people I've spoken to before usually, and the most cringe inspiring, fluffy pet names imaginable for my boy =)

I don't think anyone means it to upset or annoy. There will always be little things people do that piss us off, you know?
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by MrsEss » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:14 am

i use honey or hon quite alot - but it's more with mates & people i work with (if i likes em!!) i get called chick & chica a fair whack by one of my mates - i'm sure he just forgets my name!!!

I don't like love, pet, darl, babe or duck.

some of the people i have worked with in hte past have used chicken??

my son actually told me his name was seth, not monster, monkey, pudding, or spud! got me told!!!! :lol:
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by ~*Zombie Candycane~* » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:30 am

I like it! and use it ALOT! i do it as a friendly term. Ive said it ever since i spent ALOT of time with my ex and his family (all scottish) and they said it alot. Ever since ive used it as a friendly name for people i know and people on forums ect. Now i do it out of habbit and because i find it friendly.

I dont really like being called "love" or "lover" which has been said to me before or "sweetheart" because thats a boyfriend type thing to say not a friend.

But im used to people saying "chick/chuck" and "duck" ect..

I HATE "MATE" it sounds like chavvy people addressing each other and i dont do chav! lol. "areight mate" *shivers* blegh!!!!!!
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by kezerb » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:39 am

Lol I use mate, darlin, love and rarely hun.
I picked it up from my friends I suppose...
Babe annoys me though or baby :/ It make's me think that the person calling me it think's I'm a young child and that's bad if it's coming from your boyfriend >.<

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by ~*Zombie Candycane~* » Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:40 am

kezerb wrote:Lol I use mate, darlin, love and rarely hun.
I picked it up from my friends I suppose...
Babe annoys me though or baby :/ It make's me think that the person calling me it think's I'm a young child and that's bad if it's coming from your boyfriend >.<

LMMFAO! yep i dont like babe or baby either. It makes me feel weird! lol
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by ClaireCalavera » Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:24 am

I'm not ashamed to say that I use such words, but hey, this is the internet and there are worse things to be called lol. In real life I only use affectionate terms/nicknames for my friends and family, but netspeak is such a strange hybrid of written and spoken language that we all say things in a way that we would perhaps not in real life - i.e more formally or informally. I like playing with words and go through different phases of pet words.

Personally, I find people using my name comes off as a little too formal for my friends to use (online or offline) as the way I email professionally is very different to casual emails or forum speak. I like to keep that differentiation there, I suppose. That may be a little weird, but hey, that's me.
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by Punkbuster » Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:41 am

The term is used here pretty loosely. I'd rather be called hun than ma'am since ma'am sounds uptight and proper.

I personally use hun mainly with older women, and they use it pretty frequently. Doll, sweetheart, love, precious, etc. I normally don't use those words right off the bat with certain people based on how the people look - I know, it sounds horrible judging people on how they look. Alot of servers here are like that since our tip is normally on the line based on how we treat people.

I've worked in restaurants for about 7 years now and I've only met one person who didn't like what I said. I said "you guys" to two men and one woman, and the woman went off about how I should be fired for using such language since I called her a guy. She told my current manager the same thing and we all rolled our eyes at it since we thought she was over-reacting because it's one of the most common phrases here.

At the restaurant I work at, our names are embroidered in huge letters on our aprons, so it's difficult to not see it. I've been called alot of things (sugar, love, kid, kiddo, sweetheart, angel, etc) even though my name is hard to avoid. I've been called some things that could be interpreted as rude, but I normally don't care. It's just words to me and I don't get easily upset at things like that. *shrugs*

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by LizSherman » Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:45 am

Personally? I love it! I almost always use pet names for people (petal, pet, hon, hun etc) I'm not sure why but it's probably got something to do with the fact I grew up being called pet names (mostly duck... what's with that?? I seriously didn't think my Grandmother knew my real name) so I just carried it into my life.
I need to think about when and where I use it more though, as I know a tonne of people who hate it! :i7:

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by iamtheparty » Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:49 am

Occasionally I call my boyfriend babe/baby. But only in public. Once we were out with our friends and I yelled "Hey, baby?!" across the room for his attention. Everybody stared and he looked so embarrassed :P

Some guy at work sometimes calls me 'Beaut'. As in, "I think she's on her break, Beaut". I hope it's short for beautiful :P
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by Dystopatica » Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:00 am

I am absolutely terrible for using very patronising pet names. I call a lot of my friends "chick", "petal", "bird" etc. I know it's utterly condescending but it's just become part of my vocabulary. In my defence it's very common here in Newcastle, you can't go into a shop without the old dear behind the counter calling you "pet" or "love".

The word I really like most is "hinny" though. It's a really old fashioned Geordie word, mostly only used by Grandma's and I'm determined to bring it back.

I only ever use "babe" or "baby" with partners though, those are a little personal to be bandying around in my opinion. Don't ask me why I differentiate, I just do.

I think a lot of pet names are used online because sometimes its hard to convey friendliness or sincerity via messageboards or chat programs. I also think it's a lot more prevalent in this forum because it is a close knit community and a lot of people here have been around for years and made genuine friends. When new members join they can sometimes see people exchanging terms like that and assume it is the norm here without realising these people actually know each other, or have built up an online friendship over quite a while.
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by absolutebrutal » Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:22 am

well ain't some of you lot a ray of sunshine :roll: :lol:

i don't see the problem. i use hun, m'love, chicka and sometimes bab (which i picked up since living in the midlands!). in real life i only use those terms with close friends, family and my fella (he also has sickening pet names). i use m'love a lot in real life, if i've just met somebody or i'm having a pleasant conversation, it's just how i speak. i use them loosely on forums, and to be honest i really don't see the big deal.

it doesn't bother me when people call me hun or sweetheart (IRL) either. most men don't mean it degradingly, they're just being pleasant and it's not their fault if us girls have a chip on our shoulder about it. my dad calls me hun! and the other day (as a joke) he called me babe. :lol: i dunno, i come from a really sunshine-y place originally so most of my family and loved ones say these words and are generally upbeat. i tend to miss it because folks from the cities and really bustle-like town life are a bit tetchy about the simplest of things.


i also openly say 'love you' to my best friends on the phone, over the net and stuff. and i call my fiancee sweetie from time to time.
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by davendor » Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:40 am

It's only when the word 'hun' is used over excessively in real life that it bugs me. I don't mind reading it though.
I like to use the word 'luvvy' a lot. Just like the sound of it. Or m'darlin'.
I wouldn't go about calling anyone 'babe' or 'baby'. That just seems weird to me. Actually...I may do it to see what reaction I'd get from my friends :lol:

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by supervixxen » Tue Sep 16, 2008 1:24 pm

Where I live, pretty much every female is referred to as some derivation of "hon" or "sweetie". I definitely think it's a Southern U.S. thing-- I use it when talking to older female clients, and they eat it up.
It is not meant with any disrespect at all, if anything, it's an honorific, but I can see how it could be taken out of context or be annoying. I don't like people calling me pet names unless they know me, but in the deep south it seems to just be a way of life. ;)

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by dreamNcolor » Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:05 pm

I use hun & doll a lot. I don't find it rude, it is the internet after all. In life, I do call girl's doll a lot, mostly because it's not so commong to find stores where people where name tags in a place that doesn't make it seem like your staring at their chesticles. :oops: All my gf's get referred to as 'honey bunches of lovies', 'doll cheeks', 'hun a bun', ect. When I don't know them it's really just doll, if I do know the person, they get a loooonger one. :lol:

I can see where the OP is coming from though, and a few others with the 'first name' thing, if I know someone by first name I'll use it or their sn if I'm aware that 'doll' would bother them. I'm just really bad with names most of the time though.
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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by Miss Liberty » Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:30 pm

In real life I absolutely despise it, ESPECIALLY if I'm being called those names by a girl much younger than me. A16 year old cashier calling me "hun" in the grocery store (I'm 30) drives me insane. I'm not her "hun" I'm not her anything!

I do have much more patience for older Southern women. That was a different time and thats just the way things were then.

I must admit though, I use the terms online. And I think the reason for that is we forget that words, phrases, and overall tones can so easily be misread on the internet. Its really easy to mistake someones mood when there is no voice inflection, no facial expressions, and sometimes little context.

I think perhaps people pepper their questions, statements, and phrases with words like "hun" just to make sure what they are saying is taken as politely and well meaning as they mean it. At least, that's the reasoning I use for myself.

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Re: Does this bother anyone else?

Post by CherryLex » Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:35 pm

I use it all the time on-line and IRL.
The only thing that ever bothers me is derogatory remarks made on purpose. I don't really tend to take internet things as such so I've never really even though about it.
IRL though, it's tone and facial expression more than the actual words that bother me -Especially condescending ladies or dirty old men.
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